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ALL KNOCKED UP excerpt:
Keely—seven months pregnant…
Keely West McKay Donohue had this pregnancy thing down pat.
Well, except for the occasional glitches when her heightened emotional state hit overload and she had a teeny, tiny, barely noticeable…episode or two.
Most of those incidents hadn’t really been her fault.
Like when the grocery store had run out of her brand of laundry soap again and she’d attempted to express her displeasure to the manager. But he’d refused to listen to reason, calling her consumer’s request a crazy woman’s rant, puh-lease—she hadn’t even hit rant stage. Then the weasel had barricaded himself in his office, had her escorted from the premises by a pimply fifteen-year-old and banned her from the store for life. Luckily, the other grocery store in town had been much more accommodating. They’d even assigned her a shopping assistant to personally escort her through the store every time she showed up.
And Jack could’ve prevented the incident last month if he’d just taken her out for finger steaks like she’d asked him to. His refusal to understand the depth of her craving had forced her to cook the yummy bits of breaded and fried steak herself. So, it wasn’t completely her fault that she’d accidentally started a small grease fire in the kitchen and she’d had to call the fire department. The fire department in turn had called the local ambulance crew, and they had contacted her brother Cam—a Crook County Deputy—who had called her entire family. Except no one had remembered to call her husband. So when Jack had come home after work to see the driveway filled with emergency vehicles and McKays, he’d lost his mind.
She’d had to spray him down with the hose to cool him off. Then she’d really caught hell for ruining his bajillion-dollar, triple-worsted wool suit crafted out of special sheep butt hairs or some such. And people claimed she was on edge during this pregnancy?
Besides, Jack had it easy. His job as her baby daddy entailed three things:
1) Sucking it up and listening to her every pregnancy complaint like she was reciting secret stock tips.
2) Keeping her fed and never ever ever mentioning the amount of food she consumed on a daily basis.
3) Fulfilling her sexual needs whenever and wherever she wanted; or keeping his dick far away from her on those bad pregnancy days she suspected she’d chop it off if he showed it to her. Happily those days were mostly behind them now.
Not such a hard list. So why was he dragging his loafers on getting on with checking off task number three today?
Keely had even given him a choice on where he could perform his husbandly duties. While she waited for him to choose, she studied her hot hunk of manflesh. The man defined sexy—who could blame her for wanting to jump his bones all the damn time? His dark hair was disheveled from constantly running his fingers through it. His silk paisley tie remained neatly knotted and he hadn’t taken off his suit jacket, which in her mind meant he hadn’t really started to work yet. So this was the perfect time for a break. Besides, Jack never really meant no.
“Come on, Jack.”
“I’ll make it worth your while,” she said, adding a purring rowr.
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Jack said, without looking away from his computer screen. “And stop staring at my crotch to see if I’m getting hard,” he warned her.
“Just tell me if your boxers are getting tight?”
“Because A, I’m thinking about work not sex, and if you want to see me before midnight, which isn’t likely, you’ll find a way to entertain yourself and let me finish this. B, if I do take your offer to bend you over the conference table and fuck you until you scream, guaranteed one of your ten billion family members will decide to pop in and interrupt us. Again.”
Keely crossed her arms over her chest trying not to feel self-conscious. She could almost rest them on her protruding belly. “That was not my fault. I cannot control my family, Jack.”
“I know that only too well,” he muttered. “Besides, don’t you have a client scheduled?”
“She had to cancel.” That’s when she knew she should’ve lied. He’d see her offer as a way to kill time. When in actuality, she saw it as a chance to revisit their spontaneous pre-pregnancy trysts for the first time in what seemed like weeks.
Jack stopped typing and looked at her sharply. “Just because you’re bored doesn’t mean I am.”
Bored? Fuck that and fuck you too, buddy. Or better yet, I wouldn’t fuck you right now if you begged me. In fact…Then just like that surly girl disappeared and weepy woman took her place.
Awesome. She hadn’t run this hot and cold even as a teenager. She hated that a curt word or a scowl from him set her off into a fit of rage or a river of tears. Yet she was sick of him and everyone else muttering about her out-of-whack hormones.
So she opted to take the high road for a change. “Sorry to interrupt you.” Keely pushed off the doorframe and pulled the door shut behind her. Not slamming it. Point for her.
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